Lifestyle

Don’t Believe Everything You Think

I read that “The strongest people are not those who show strength in front of us, but those who win battles we know nothing about ”

Today is October 10th.

It is World Mental Health Day.

I have struggled for many years with depression and not many people knew that.

I laugh a lot

I sing always

I whistle loudly at work in the washroom and in the staircase, because it sounds more beautiful in those areas

I take many happy pictures

I hug my dogs a lot

I talk & sing to them on a daily basis

Once in awhile when my children passes by me

I like to  touch their arm for a quick second

Or hold their hand

Just to feel a connection without words

I write and do a lot of thinking

I’m a deep person

These are all my good days

My bad days

I want to be invisible

I don’t want to see anyone

I can’t laugh

I can’t love

I don’t want to wake up

I want to sleep

I want to turn off all the lights and be in the darkness

Alone

I hate myself

I’m worthless

I’m not enough

For anyone

For myself

My body is numb

And I cry at 3am and wonder why I’m crying

I look at my food and I cry

I look at family and I hold it in

Now I’m better

I’ve never felt stronger in all my life

The self awareness I have is amazing

The self love I have blows me away

I look in the mirror and I love myself

I seek those who bring joy to my life

I have people who get me

People who understand me

I sought professional help

And I am better

So much better

I believe in myself

And I have accepted all that’s meant to be in my life

And pushed aside all things that are triggers and stressors

I have found my happy place within myself

And when I feel like I’m slipping

I tell myself I Am ENOUGH

I’ve learned to be gentle with myself and am living the best way I can

I no longer believe everything I think.

#worldmentalhealthday

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A Day of Reflection – Happy Birthday To Me – October 3rd

Today is my birthday and I’m hell excited!

I love my birthday and all the anticipation of how my day would turn.

At the crack of dawn, my Papa (my husband) would hug me close and whispers “Happy Birthday” and stays like that for a while. I then, think immediately of my mom and how much I miss her. It’s been 25 years since she’s passed, but I still miss her terribly.

She’s my adoptive mom.

I also think of my biological mom, who abandoned me at the age of;  a couple of weeks, and from both of those thoughts alone, sends my emotions into sad chaos.

As Papa lies there, knowing what I’m thinking, I slowly reset myself.

I lie still for a while and welcome my feelings. I let it take over me for just a bit, and then I think of my children, and I put those feelings back onto the invisible shelf that’s locked tightly in my mind, and proceed on with my day.

I smile and with determination, I put myself back into reality.

It is after all my birthday, I’m going to be happy. I do love this day!

I’ve learned a great deal this year.

I’ve learned that you decide your own happiness.

Talking deeply and emotionally isn’t for everybody.

No matter how much you love someone if they are not wired into feelings, it’s not worth being sad forever.

You don’t have to be best friends with everyone, you only need just one or two the most.

I can’t live without dogs in my life.

I can be nerdy, crazy, emotional, happy and schuppidy all at once. (schuppidy is slang for stupid, I learned this from my Papa’s family. Papa is Guyanese)

What I’m certain of, is that having children is the best asset in the world. They are priceless and the most joyful experience in my entire existence. No matter what, I will always always love them, from beyond the moon & back.

I’m grateful for all that my husband does for me and I’m blessed to have the life that I live.

Thank you, Lord, for continued health, a roof above my head, plenty of food on the table, safety and people who love me.

Happy Birthday to me, and may I remain strong and continue my path into self-love, self-awareness, and self-care.

 

 

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My 6 Go-To Coffee Shops in Toronto

When I write I love to do it in Coffee Shops.

For one, they are always so adorably cute and two, there is always some delicious and delectable little something you can enjoy while writing all your awesome ideas and thoughts, in that head of yours.

Here are some Coffee Shops I love. While in Toronto go check them out!

  • Oretta’s Cafe – They feature Italian-style espresso coffee’s, baked goods, delicious donuts, cookies, little pizza’s and offer a cute little space for their patrons. This place is soooo cute and you should have brunch at their main Oretta Restaurant. If you like fancy and polished decor, this is your spot.
  • Early Bird (Queen St location) – This place is great to go because everything is good for you! I’m talking about health-wise. Their ingredients are health-based. (You won’t find donuts here.)  I had the Avocado toast which was hell aaaahmazing! This is the place if you are in search of a tranquil & carefree atmosphere.
  • Dineen Coffee Company –  A big space, but gets crowded. You’ll find a lot of business peeps here having a little pow-wow and also an array of students. This cafe is in the vicinity of our famous downtown shopping mall, The Toronto Eaton Center.    If you don’t mind the very active environment and are able to tune out people, then this is it for you.
  • Aroma Espresso Bar (shop at Don mills location) – Love this location because there is an outdoor courtyard right out front and plenty of seating. You don’t necessarily have to sit at the Cafe, you can sit anywhere and enjoy people-watching or even entertainment during summer evenings. I had breakfast here and it was just right and not many people if you go before 9 am. After writing you can do a little shopping too! Go here if you want a variety of things to do after.
  • Ice ‘n’ Cake (shop at Don mills location) – This is at the same location as Aroma Espresso Bar. They serve delicious Gelato Ice-cream, cakes, pastries, crepes, waffles and a variety of cold and hot drinks. Their red velvet cake is a must. The air condition is great here if you want the iceberg feel in the summer like I do.
  • The Birchcliff  – Located in Scarborough on Kingston Rd, this place is away from the hustle and bustle of downtown Toronto. The cafe is modern and serves pastries, scones, cookies and a variety of beverages. Sit by the window! Go here for a peaceful but yet pleasant climate.

There you go, hope you get a chance to visit these lovely and pretty places.

If you have a spot to share, please leave a comment below!

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