A Day of Reflection – Happy Birthday To Me – October 3rd

Today is my birthday and I’m hell excited!

I love my birthday and all the anticipation of how my day would turn.

At the crack of dawn, my Papa (my husband) would hug me close and whispers “Happy Birthday” and stays like that for a while. I then, think immediately of my mom and how much I miss her. It’s been 25 years since she’s passed, but I still miss her terribly.

She’s my adoptive mom.

I also think of my biological mom, who abandoned me at the age of;  a couple of weeks, and from both of those thoughts alone, sends my emotions into sad chaos.

As Papa lies there, knowing what I’m thinking, I slowly reset myself.

I lie still for a while and welcome my feelings. I let it take over me for just a bit, and then I think of my children, and I put those feelings back onto the invisible shelf that’s locked tightly in my mind, and proceed on with my day.

I smile and with determination, I put myself back into reality.

It is after all my birthday, I’m going to be happy. I do love this day!

I’ve learned a great deal this year.

I’ve learned that you decide your own happiness.

Talking deeply and emotionally isn’t for everybody.

No matter how much you love someone if they are not wired into feelings, it’s not worth being sad forever.

You don’t have to be best friends with everyone, you only need just one or two the most.

I can’t live without dogs in my life.

I can be nerdy, crazy, emotional, happy and schuppidy all at once. (schuppidy is slang for stupid, I learned this from my Papa’s family. Papa is Guyanese)

What I’m certain of, is that having children is the best asset in the world. They are priceless and the most joyful experience in my entire existence. No matter what, I will always always love them, from beyond the moon & back.

I’m grateful for all that my husband does for me and I’m blessed to have the life that I live.

Thank you, Lord, for continued health, a roof above my head, plenty of food on the table, safety and people who love me.

Happy Birthday to me, and may I remain strong and continue my path into self-love, self-awareness, and self-care.

 

 

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